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“It was the first time I realised that there is a term called “patriarchy”. I used to believe that this is the norm. The inequality is the norm. It was at FAT I realised; the society is making different rules but the constitution has provided us with equal rights!”

The society that I live in is very conservative. In 2019, I got an opportunity at Navgurukul, Pune to learn coding. But because of the orthodox and conversative norms, they did not let me go. The usual curfew time for the girls in my community is 5:00pm. So, living in Pune for a year seemed like an impossible task. I could make my family understand but not my relatives. They think that it is better to stay at home. Girls can do everything but at HOME!

If a boy wants to study, even if it not affordable, he is allowed to move to cities like Dhanbad or Ranchi. But if a girl wants to study more, she is never allowed. When I had passed the 10th standard, I wanted to study Commerce. But I had to take Arts because commerce required me to learn from tuition support-meaning, I had to travel for private tuitions. Now, when I think of it, they look so weird to me. Only if I had the understanding that I have now, I would have negotiated to study my favourite subjects.

Earlier, things happened but I was not able to recognize the atrocities. I learnt to negotiate for my decisions at home during the course of time. I realised if I negotiate and build a dialogue with my family, they will understand me as well.

Once, there was a didi in my neighborhood who was about to get married but she was not ready for it, she wanted to complete her graduation. She was telling me but she was not able to communicate with her family. I tried to make her understand that it is important to negotiate with them. I supported her to talk to her father. We spoke to him together- we made him understand to wait until the graduation is completed. Luckily, she then completed her graduation.

If I had not joined FAT, then all this would not have happened because if I cannot recognize then how will I take action for it? Recognizing the issues, knowing what is happening to us is an approach we got from FAT. I learnt to recognize the inequality.

Being at FAT made an impact in my life because using technology brought me self-confidence. When I got the opportunity of hosting a Facebook Live for FAT, where I had to tell the journey of my leadership to others, I was very excited. My parents, my relatives – all of them watched me speaking live on Facebook in front of 2,000 people.

People think Covid-19 has wasted our time in the last two years. But I didn't waste any time! I have taken workshops and done action projects in FAT, where I earned money, I wrote leadership stories for others, I added new girls in FAT’s network and did workshops with them. I joined the Level-3 Collectivisation so that whatever I have learnt at FAT, I can give the same to other girls. I see that many girls want to study more, they want to move out to big cities but they do not have a relationship where they can negotiate for their choices with their parents. That's why I want them to be able to talk to their parents. I firmly believe that if you want to support others, it is extremely important you support yourself first.

Narrated by Priya Kumari, from Jharkhand- Young Women Leader from Level-3 Collectivisation at FAT. Know Our Leader is a series of stories about our #YoungWomenLeaders

Written by Almas Naseem

Edited by Priyanka Sarkar